I think a quarantine Mother’s Day is the perfect time to reflect on our cultural values and the true meaning of mother’s day. Many are unemployed and forced to spend time at home with loved ones, rather than money on distractions & gifts that’ll end up in the junk pile.
This time presents a beautiful – pause – that I think we all needed.
What is Mother’s Day?
Modern connotation – a commercial holiday that uses strong emotions to manipulate purchasing.
Symbolism – this day embodies the collective celebration of the Divine Feminine.
For many this day brings pain. Maybe you’ve lost your mother or failed to develop the kind of relationship you wanted with your mother.
Maybe you never felt like you had a mother…
We live in such a shallow, materialistic time. The wild and chaotic nature of humanity is on full display every single day, and it seems like we’re using technology to create illusory satisfaction when we’re really losing the ability to feel satisfied and connected with one another.
It’s the great paradox of the digital age.
We now share more experiences with our social media followers than the people who are actually present, experiencing with us. We compete for attention and approval that we don’t even actually want or value. And this leaves us feeling empty, with an even greater need to get the approval we don’t care about from people who don’t care either.
It’s a highly addictive pattern that may lead you to feel unappreciated, unloved, or unworthy if you’re focused on the negative.
Freud on Psychosexual Development
So we’re going to get a little scientific for a moment, just follow me.
According to Freud, a child goes through several stages of psychosexual development before puberty and many are stuck in this period.
- Oral. Up to 18 months. Revolves around oral fixation: sucking, licking, chewing, and biting.
- Anal. 18 months to 3 years. Bowel elimination and potty training.
- Phallic. 3 to 5 years. It’s the most important stage where we develop healthy substitutes for attraction to the opposite-sex parent. YES, this is the stage that so many get stuck.
- Latency. 5 and 12 years. Developing healthy feelings for the opposite sex, or puberty.
- Genital. 12 into adulthood. Developing healthy sexual interests, feelings, and behaviors.
By the end of the phallic stage, we have enough information to form our adult personality.
We have learned to control and direct our sexual desires into socially acceptable behaviors. However, the Oedipus complex plays a significant role in the phallic stage. This complex describes a child’s desire for the opposite-sex parent, and how they deal with jealousy and anger.
When it’s not resolved during the phallic stage, the child develops an unhealthy fixation. Further, this causes the child to grow up and choose romantic partners that resemble their opposite-sex parent (usually in an unhealthy way).
This also might cause the child to emulate the unhealthy behaviors of their same-sex parent.
Avoiding vs Amplifying Your Genetic Destiny
Your genetic destiny is what it is. It isn’t bad or good, however, you might feel like it is.
Based on social norms or your personal values, and how they line up with your familial values, this can make you want to amplify or avoid your genetic destiny.
For example, if your father was a criminal vs. a judge, you might be inclined to view your family in a certain way. Inevitably, this means you view yourself in a certain way.
If your mother was unloving and cruel – depending on how you internalized experiences with her – you may emulate those behaviors or the behaviors of someone who has been abused. Similar to someone with PTSD, you might overreact to situations or find yourself getting triggered in what most people would consider unusual situations.
When you zoom out to look at the big picture, whatever your situation is, its perfectly and divinely crafted for you to experience.
The Mother/Child Relationship
Our most important programming dates back to childhood, sometimes even in the womb. By the time we reach adulthood, it becomes clear which qualities we’d like to emulate, and which ones we’d like to suppress.
However, we are already creating scenarios and consequences for ourselves. This awareness comes midlife and we’re already subconsciously expressing these behaviors, whether good or bad.
The ‘Curse of DNA’
Your DNA can feel like a curse. Especially if you have inherited some genetic condition that hinders your quality of life. It can also feel like your DNA is cursed if its perpetually impoverished, or you’ve witnessed countless failed relationships and broken families.
But this doesn’t define you whatsoever. It only informs you of a path your body will be inclined to follow which can be altered at any point in time.
How to Overcome the Curse of DNA
First, remember WHO YOU ARE. You are the electricity powering the vehicle. The energy animating the vessel.
You are not your DNA.
However, your DNA is a valuable tool in teaching you how your specific vessel works. Notice the similarities between you and your relatives. Habits, dietary preferences, look at everything…
Look closely at those who came before you to see where they thrived, and where they faltered.
Accept that – some things – you cannot change. Change the things you can.
Use shadow work to identify your uniqueness apart from your DNA. Meditate, forgive, and learn to honor every aspect of yourself – even the bad parts.
Nurture & mother yourself from within, even if you had a good mother. Most mothers aren’t able to nourish us the way we can nourish ourselves. At best, they can teach us to nourish ourselves and others with femininity.
There are also qualities we might admire about our mothers that have nothing to do with the mother-child relationship. We may admire them as human beings, as leaders or teachers, and we may conflate the two because the emotions are so strong.
Celebrate Mother’s Day: Honoring the Divine Feminine Within You.
She might have given you life, and her presence might feel like home. But she represents something greater than a person, place, or tangible thing.
The role of the mother is to teach the Divine Feminine Principle.
We must remember that there is no Mother’s Day without a Father (Divine Masculine), and Child (Creation).
This is not meant to discredit her, but to show you how big of a role the mother is in the existence of all life forms.
Celebrate this day with loved ones. No matter how many or how few mothers are in your life, the Divine Mother/Divine Feminine energy inside you will receive & reflect your gratitude for the gift of life.