So much info is out there attempting to teach us how to be feminine. But most of these sources are dealing with the five physical senses and the sensory world exclusively. Femininity comes from within. I prefer to go way back in ancient history and study their methods for getting through life successfully and harmoniously. There’s nothing wrong with reading an article from Cosmo or listening to an interview with Taylor Swift on how to be feminine. However, very rarely has someone studied the ancients or human psychology. Many of the articles you come across will say things like “be more polite” or “wear dresses.” But what we must realize is femininity comes from within and manifests externally.
WHAT IS FEMININITY?
Femininity is creative power. When we seek fulfillment outside of ourselves, we ironically begin to feel less empowered. We become separated from what truly makes us happy. Not because material things are bad, but because once we acquire more materialistic things we lose focus on what gave us the momentum to gain those things in the first place. This explains why the people in some 3rd world countries live happier, more fulfilling lives.
In ancient religions, the divine “feminine” is connected with the right-brained, creator, and nurturer that exists within all of us. It was not exclusive to the female anatomy. The “masculine” represented the left-brained, logical, provider in each of us. In a spiritual sense, we do not have gender, but qualities that lean more toward one sex or the other. People that identify as non-gender-specific are perfectly healthy, and simply do not fit into society’s molds. Per the Law of Gender, femininity is not unique to the female, and masculinity is not specific to the male.
YOU CANNOT JUST UNDERSTAND HOW TO BE FEMININE; IT MUST BE EXPERIENCED
Femininity cannot be looked at strictly in a conceptual way. We observed outward manifestations of the divine feminine essence in others, and we describe them as “feminine.” However, it is a very subjective, loose interpretation of what we perceive about a person. Letting go of the psychological, emotional, and physical barriers that keep us from loving ourselves fully will bring out the divine feminine within us, providing guidance.
Becoming more self-centered in a positive sense, and less selfish will also bring a sense of contentment with self and wisdom. The Catch 22 when you ask how to be feminine is that we naturally appear more feminine when we begin to heal ourselves internally. I know a lady that keeps her nails done, hair was done, always smells like flowers, she’s very promiscuous, and even is a mother. However, I don’t think anyone close to her would describe her as feminine. She’s not particularly masculine, but she just doesn’t exude that feminine vibe. The interesting thing is that her deterrent vibe stems from ignoring some internal healing that needs to take place. She’s not in touch with her internal creative divine feminine energy, and people can just sense it. We always think feminine women have to epitomize femininity, and externally masculine women cannot be feminine. But this is flawed logic that confines a deep concept to what we can understand literally in physical reality.
I have a friend who’s a lesbian. My friend wears a half-shave, boxers and suits, surfs, and hangs around a bunch of guys. She’s got a typical male track record with women: slept around, cheated a few times, fell in love with her first partner who then broke her heart. However, she’s more girly than I am in many ways. She is feminine, despite all the efforts she makes to appear masculine.
The root of marginalization of women in society is the male ego. Historically, males have had a lack of willingness to face more feminine emotions they experience and an ignorance of their insecurities. This masculine energy creates an oppressive, dominating, controlling, conquering, and possessive environment in which the divine feminine cannot fully express itself. Ignoring the “higher self” has caused problems for many, many years, and the key to healing society lies in how we treat the women.
IDENTIFYING THE SELF MAKES US MORE FEMININE
The “higher self” I’m referring to is the egoless part of you. Our conscience is the higher self, communicating to the lower, logical, sensory-oriented part of us. Self-consciousness is awareness of the difference between the two. A quick technique explaining how to be feminine is to find and heal your inner child. As a child, you were the purest version of your Self. You knew what you liked and what you didn’t like, sensed who you wanted to be around and their intentions. You loved and forgave and appreciated life to the fullest.
Healing your inner child will make you self-sufficient, self-reliant, and self-confident. At a deeper level, this means you will only attract the relationships and situations that reinforce those beliefs about yourself. And on the other end of the spectrum, you have always attracted the relationships and situations that support beliefs you hold about yourself. The Ancient Egyptian word for this “mirror” was ‘Ankh,’ which also meant life. Childhood abuse can create a life of abuse because the person finds themselves unable to let go of the self-image of an “abused” person. They manifest abusive relationship after abusive relationship, becoming almost uncomfortable with anything else. They are the perfect receptacle for abuse.
My greatest piece of advice on how to be feminine is: create a space for solitude, and self-discovery. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of having time to yourself. Honoring yourself in the greatest sense, by telling everyone else to hold on a minute while you get yourself together. I had never done this before a 10-day silent meditation retreat, but after the retreat, I saw results immediately. We get so lost in all of our responsibilities as wives and mothers. We’re nurturers and providers. Very few women I know make time for themselves. It’s abnormal for their routine, and therefore they’re unaware of what they’re missing. But our feminine is lost, rather than non-existent. If you find yourself lacking femininity, try to view that as more of lack of communion with self. Once you realize this, you’ll attract the people that make you feel amazingly feminine and powerful, and you’ll experience true self-confidence.